I started this in the hospital

*Sigh* The last 3 days have been exhausting. I suppose most of you have heard that the baby is finally here. If not, here's the scoop. My water broke between 5:30 and 6:00 am on Wednesday morning (In the middle of writing a letter to Caden of all things). After waiting for Chad to get to Winchester from work we headed for the hospital. By the time I got here and into the triage room I was already dilated a 5. The contractions had progressively gotten worse and it was hard work waiting for the anesthesiologist to get to my room with an epidural...go ahead, call me a wuss, I don't care...I expected to gauge all pain scales afterwards on that but, truth be told, the memory is fleeting. After my epidural I barely felt the contractions- from the waist down, I barely felt anything. Luckily Chad and his family were there for support. I apologize, if at any point I was bossy, snippy or otherwise belligerent. :) We were expecting a baby by noon but after two hours of pushing the doctor attempted to use forceps and decided that the baby was just too big to come out that way. I was so upset when I found out that I had to have a c-section. I could hear Chad's family around me praying and I did praying of my own but I couldn't help the wave of emotion. I tried so hard to bring him into this world and I was frustrated that I couldn't do it or that maybe I hadn't pushed hard enough or correctly or even at the right times. What if I missed some contractions because I couldn't feel them. I felt so defeated and on top of all of that I was afraid for me and the baby. I was afraid that something would go wrong and I would leave Chad all alone to raise the baby (it didn't help when they had me sign a consent form in the event that a transfusion was necessary) and I knew it would be 2 more weeks of work I would have to miss and the vain side of me worried about the scar. There were just too many emotions at once. They didnt give me any general anesthesia but the last things I remember were being laid down with my arms spread out and my neck hurting. They covered my face and I remembered Chad coming in and telling me that he was there with me and kissing me and I remember the baby crying. After that, I guess I was just so exhausted that I fell asleep because the next thing I remember is them moving me from the OR table back to the bed. After that it was uncontrollable shaking. Chad said the baby was crying before he even came out and that he tried to show him to me but I barely opened my eyes. I remember Jodi and Mary being in the labor room when they brought me back in. My first images of our baby boy came via a camera and when they brought him back in the room I couldn't hold him because I was afraid of dropping him I was shaking so bad. They said it was my body's normal reaction to stress. Things have been pretty hectic since then with nurses in and out....