Baby Boy

I am a mommy now...even in print it's still a little unbelievable. I thought these days would never come. The feeding every 3 hours and constant diaper changes(pee pies and doodles) are nothing if not a reality check. Still for all the complaining I am sure I have done, I wouldn't trade our little baby for anything. He is a miracle beyond my wildest imaginings. He is mommy's little boy and daddy's little "sugar booger" :) and I can no longer picture my life without him or Chad in it. My very own little family. Chad adores him and it is so sweet to watch and Caden loves his daddy. He sleeps so peacefully in Chad's arms. They say that babies can hear sounds and voices in the womb and I am sure he recognizes Chad's voice from when he was talking to my protruding belly. He is such a good baby. We are very lucky. Hopefully that doesn't change. He's already a little spoiled though. I am going to blame that on Chad *hehe* but that is what daddy's are for. I am still not too great at the diaper changes but I am getting better. Practice makes perfect I guess. I am making up for all the times that Chad had to change them in the hospital. I have somehow managed to avert being peed on Chad wasn't so lucky and he has managed to pee in his own face but I am learning...(when the bird is up watch out lol). I have managed to stick with breasfeeding for over a week but I am getting ready to switch to formula. I feel like such a defeatist but it will make life so much simpler. Maybe that is selfish but three hours comes fast and it would be easier if I wasn't the only one who could feed him and easier to monitor how much he is eating. He is such a beautiful baby too (If I do say so myself :) ) He looks just like Chad's baby pictures. I am going to have to scan them when I get time and get home to my scanner. That is probably the hardest part right now, not being able to go anywhere without asking someone to take me. I am not allowed to drive for 2 weeks and it's killing me to be so dependent. Not that I don't appreciate the help...trust me, I do. I just feel like a burden sometimes. I have lost 13 pounds so far. I guess 8 lbs 3 oz of that was baby.

I started this in the hospital

*Sigh* The last 3 days have been exhausting. I suppose most of you have heard that the baby is finally here. If not, here's the scoop. My water broke between 5:30 and 6:00 am on Wednesday morning (In the middle of writing a letter to Caden of all things). After waiting for Chad to get to Winchester from work we headed for the hospital. By the time I got here and into the triage room I was already dilated a 5. The contractions had progressively gotten worse and it was hard work waiting for the anesthesiologist to get to my room with an epidural...go ahead, call me a wuss, I don't care...I expected to gauge all pain scales afterwards on that but, truth be told, the memory is fleeting. After my epidural I barely felt the contractions- from the waist down, I barely felt anything. Luckily Chad and his family were there for support. I apologize, if at any point I was bossy, snippy or otherwise belligerent. :) We were expecting a baby by noon but after two hours of pushing the doctor attempted to use forceps and decided that the baby was just too big to come out that way. I was so upset when I found out that I had to have a c-section. I could hear Chad's family around me praying and I did praying of my own but I couldn't help the wave of emotion. I tried so hard to bring him into this world and I was frustrated that I couldn't do it or that maybe I hadn't pushed hard enough or correctly or even at the right times. What if I missed some contractions because I couldn't feel them. I felt so defeated and on top of all of that I was afraid for me and the baby. I was afraid that something would go wrong and I would leave Chad all alone to raise the baby (it didn't help when they had me sign a consent form in the event that a transfusion was necessary) and I knew it would be 2 more weeks of work I would have to miss and the vain side of me worried about the scar. There were just too many emotions at once. They didnt give me any general anesthesia but the last things I remember were being laid down with my arms spread out and my neck hurting. They covered my face and I remembered Chad coming in and telling me that he was there with me and kissing me and I remember the baby crying. After that, I guess I was just so exhausted that I fell asleep because the next thing I remember is them moving me from the OR table back to the bed. After that it was uncontrollable shaking. Chad said the baby was crying before he even came out and that he tried to show him to me but I barely opened my eyes. I remember Jodi and Mary being in the labor room when they brought me back in. My first images of our baby boy came via a camera and when they brought him back in the room I couldn't hold him because I was afraid of dropping him I was shaking so bad. They said it was my body's normal reaction to stress. Things have been pretty hectic since then with nurses in and out....

Monday Monday

Here it is, the second "working day" of my leave. As Caden is still intent on staying safe and warm in my tummy- I have decided to unpack my laptop and make another attempt at blogging (just trying to have everything ready for the hospital when the time comes...and St Joe has WIFI in the recovery room :) gotta have it ready to send those first adorable pics...oh and to keep chad occupied). My last Dr's appointment was on Friday. The baby's heartbeat was 140. I have gained another two pounds- which is not surprising since I lost a pound the week prior. Dr Greene guesstimated, by touch, that Caden is around 7 1/2 lbs. I was dilated 2 1/2 centimers (still not enough and, since I wasn't having any contractions at the time, he didn't think it was necessary to send me to the hospital then :( ) I suppose that is all fine and well that he isn't in a hurry to induce me at my whim. I am. however, being a little selfish I suppose. I am very uncomfortable (that's what they teach you to call pain in those childbirth classes LOL) and tired of carrying his fat little butt. I am also anxious to see him - and of course to share him with the rest of the world..but most of all, I am excited at the prospect of seeing his Daddy hold him in his arms for the very first time. My camera is packed, so someone please get a picture of that for me. I am sure I will be too exhausted. Chad is just as anxious/nervous as I am- if not more. It's very sweet actually. I am sure when the time comes I will be wired, but for now I am just ready for some sign that it's time to make our way to the hospital. My next visit is Friday the 12th (haha better than Friday the 13th), my appointed "due date" but the doctor said I should not expect to keep it. He, in his infinite wisdom, seems to think that we will be holding our baby before the week is out. Until then I will just have to occupy myself with cleaning and moaning and groaning. I will try to keep you posted.

Come On Already

My “due date” is a week from tomorrow and the countdown is on. In truth, it has been on for a while. I am so ready to have this baby but he isn’t cooperating. I am beginning to think I am going to be prego forever. YEEHAW. At least I only have to make it 6 and a half more hrs before my leave starts. Not dragging my butt to work every morning will be a plus. I am sure once I start getting my reduced paychecks, I will think differently. Not sure how I am going to manage that. I am the world’s worst at managing money, but I know-somehow, I will survive. Before, when I thought about labor it was a distant scary day looming in the future. Now I think it can’t be as bad as being pregnant any longer. It means that it is almost over and then the real fun can begin. I don’t know how I am going to handle being a mother. Even after 9 months it does not seem real to me. I know Chad will be wonderful but I just don’t know how I am going to do it. Luckily, I will have help.