Nearly two months to go. Am I any more prepared than I was 7 months ago? Not really. Oh, I have the crib, bassinet, stroller, carseat, baby shampoo, mittens, onesies, etc etc…most of the things that babies need (Thank You ALL for the wonderful shower and gifts.) and I am only slightly less nervous about the actual process of giving birth but I am NOT ready to raise a child. I do well to keep my cat’s litter changed and keep them fed. Now I have to worry about a pediatrician, medical care, education, babysitting, feeding, diapering, umbilical cord care, no more alone time ever-etc., etc., etc. Babies are not to be neglected. I just don’t know if I possess the sanity for it all. I want to be a good mother, but will I be? I think I am fine with other people’s kids- but how in the world am I going to handle one of my own? How will Chad handle it? Yeah, sure, he usually plays it cool and is way more supportive than I could ever have imagined or asked him to be but he has to be scared shitless too. I have no doubt that he is capable of feeding and burping, etc….(He is surrounded by babies) but I am not entirely sure he is ready to put his life on hold. I can’t really blame him- I have years on him and I feel like I have lived my life beyond the fullest (maybe just a tad too far over the edge sometimes) but I am not done living. I suppose I should think of all the adventures we will have with little Caden. I just worry that I wasn’t designed for this. Speaking of living, the whole contemplating your own mortality, it comes along with the territory. I lost my own mother at an early age and though I couldn’t have asked for a better guardian or mentor than my sister, I can’t help but wonder how my life might have been changed if she were still here today. I also wonder what would happen to Caden if something happened to me. Sure he is going to have a big family to look out for him but thought of leaving Chad alone to raise him without me or the thought of anyone mistreating him pains me. Anyway, blah blah blah right… This is why I don’t blog that often lol.
2 comments:
I think you are more prepared now. My sister has made me guardian of her two kids, if something happens to her. lol I am up for a third, if you want to make it legal. I think now is a good time to have a will and all that fun stuff, because you do want to make sure things are taken care of.
I love this picture of you...LOL. I get first dibs on Caden, not Mary and JD...LOL. You know how BAD I want a boy...LOL.
However, you do need to do some legal paperwork b/c of the fact that you and Chad are not married. You will feel more at ease over it, too.
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