My mind is..."Gone With the Wind".

I realized yesterday that I only have to survive one more weekend (after this one) at Speedway. I am excited about the prospect of actually having two whole days off during the week but I am still worried about the lack of extra income. I am trying to learn how to budget and, let me tell you, it is hard. Does this mean that I will have to start keeping up with receipts and tracking every penny I spend? I am not good at keeping up with paperwork, period. I really don’t want to feel like I can’t do things that Chad and I enjoy doing because of money. I know I can probably survive but; don’t you ever get tired of just surviving? “As God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.” LOL. How is that for waxing poetic…, er literary? I know if I try really hard (eating at home more, not being so frivolous with my money), I can make it. That is to say, I can support myself. I just hope, once Caden gets here, I won’t have to immediately go back to working two jobs again. It will mean calculating in diapers, wipes, formula (if I decide breastfeeding is not a viable option), clothing, etc, etc- all of the things that babies need. That is the part that scares me. Lord knows the state isn’t going to help me and it’s easy to say that my child won’t want for anything, though not even close to realistic. Realistically, I hope he has all he needs. We have a lot of the big stuff out of the way already (a place to live, a place to sleep, some clothes to wear and a new bassinet that some little angel (ahem, you know who you are) bought, but I have to worry about all the little things that add up and that are so easy to forget. I just need to exercise a little willpower when it comes to what I really want versus what I really need. Not working 13 hrs a day or even 7 days a week will give me more time to cook and hopefully manage to get organized. Who knows, I might even manage a few more winks. Heaven knows, I could do without all the added stress. I don’t think Chad knows what to do with me sometimes. It seems like I am always a step away from a meltdown. The little everyday things that really shouldn’t matter (getting stuck in traffic, breaking a hair band, you name it) are enough to catapult me into emotional chaos. I know it’s not healthy for me or the baby but, I tell myself, just a little more me time…that’s all I need. When you have trouble remembering where your light switch is, it's time for a break.